Overwhelming Days

Today has been overwhelming. I'm not sure why. Maybe it was the wrong number at 5:52 am. Calls at that time of the morning are rarely good. I was grateful it was only a wrong number, but seriously, people, can you please try to watch what you are dialing?

I went back to sleep, and woke up tired. I popped into the shower, grabbed some breakfast and took my daughter to her homeschool group. I came home and cleaned up the nastiest kitchen I have ever left overnight. Thank goodness for bleach spray. Then my husband and I went out to pick up epilepsy medicine for the dog and an informal lunch date. I got home in time to take my afternoon nap. I really hate napping, but I can't get through most days without one. I just hate missing the last hour my husband is home before he heads off to a long shift at work.

After my nap, I caught up on my niece's life (as told on the internet), and cyber-stumbled over to the Nie Nie Dialogues. It was a blog I vaguely remembered having visited, but that must have been a long time ago. I spent my waking up time filling in the details of her life and trying to reconnect the blog I vaguely remembered to what was there now. For those of you unfamiliar with her story, she is a beautiful mother of four who blogged about the joys of motherhood. Her days of mothering were interrupted by a plane crash in which she and her husband suffered severe injuries. He broke his back and suffered burns over 35% of his body and she suffered burns over 83% of her body. Now, nearly a year and a half later, she is adjusting to her new life and new self. It is a journey that has touched me deeply, brought tears to my eyes many times, and reminded me of the power of true love.

After reading some of that blog, I headed out to get my allergy shots. Not my favorite past time, but I am on the home stretch--six months to go. I turned on NPR on the way and listened to a 13 year-old Pakistani girl tell the stories of her father and brothers training suicide bombers and watching her little 9 year-old sister strapped up and sent out to die. It tore at my heart strings...especially when I think of the carefree life my 13 year-old has.

That story was followed by the story of the wakes and funerals in a drug-ridden town just across the US/Mexican border from El Paso. There was a slaughter at a teen's birthday party over the weekend, and the grief of families for their children tore at my remaining heart strings.

Listening to this, I know just how good I have it in life. I am so blessed. So why do I get so overwhelmed? If only depression was not part of my life. I could do so much more. I would have more children, be more involved, and be the mom I dream of. Instead, I find life to be much like a woman described her journeys through depression -- walking through molasses.

But as I reflect on these stories I heard today, I know one thing.

Life isn't always supposed to be easy.

We learn the most when it is hard.

And it is possible to find joy, regardless of the journey.